Most bands would agree that there's nothing better than a free steam at the club's
expense to get the sap rising for a good session of "MOOSE" hollering before the
show, and if there's food as well then all the better. Not all venues, however are
aware of this so we decided, here at Electrick Moose to carry out an in-depth survey.
We think you'll find the results quite staggering.
EXETER CAVERN
A disappointing start. Despite mammoth hints to the contrary, no steam was
forthcoming . Moose rating: A turkey Food bonus: Chilli & Rice. Handy hints: Don't
go to the pub when the Chilli and Rice is being served.
PLYMOUTH COOPERAGE
When approached, the promoter produced 16 cans of Tesco pils from two
concealed carrier bags . Moose rating: A fair effort. Food bonus: Jacket spuds,
cheese & beans. Very good.
SOUTHAMPTON JOINERS
Something of an oddity . No food or beer, but a food/beer allowance of £30 after the
show if 100 people attend. Comments: This flexible arrangement is particularly good
news for the alcoholic on a diet or the non-drinking greedy-bastard. Moose rating;
Splendid.
BOLTON CROWN & CUSHION
A clear favourite with the judges. Without prompting, the promoter supplied a
mammoth 32 cans of formidably strong lager beer, as well as water and fruit juice
for the softies. Food bonus: Again, he hit a home run with steak & chips, or for the
adventurous a choice of alligator or, wait for it ....... ostrich. Moose rating:
MOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!! (Softies slang term for a lover of carbonated beverages
or "soft drinks"- nothing to do with being a wimp Billy, relax).
NOTTINGHAM ROCK CITY
After some badgering, the promoter delivered 24 small "continental style" bottles of
obscure Belgian origin lager. Hardly the "Highway to Hell' we had been led to expect
Food bonus: Not a sausage - down the codpiece or otherwise.
LEEDS DUCHESS OF YORK
Another splendid effort in the form of 24 Lowenbrau Pils which found favour with the
panel for being chilled; 6% vol and 13% extra ( 500ml for the R.R.P. of 440ml) into
the bargain ! Food bonus: 5 Dial a Pizzas, varied to suit even the most jaded
palette. Moose rating; Steam On!
So there we have it, or in some venues we evidently don't. Next time we'll be
exploring the seedy world of dressing-room graffiti and asking "Did THEY find it
funny???"
